When the mist is too thick to think through
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Call or text 988Free, confidential, 24/7. You do not have to be certain you are suicidal to call. You are allowed to just be tired.
The debut collection by drxk khaoz
Rosesin a Black Heart
poems of desire, depth, & devotion, written in my ruins
drxk.khaoz..
Coming soon
Ebook launch 30 November 2026
the purpose
because i see you
I wrote parts of this collection with a magic marker in a shared room no one could photograph. I wrote some more after the admission. Then some more at what I now realize is the absolute lowest point of my life. I wrote in hollow nights where the only thing that kept me here was pen and paper, an iPad, or a notes app and the internal thought I couldn’t stop returning to that someone, somewhere, someday, might need these just to know they aren’t the only one whose mind retreats to dark thoughts at times.
Part of taking suicide seriously is to be loud about it because it often gets suppressed and invalidated. Show up and advocate. I do. This collection speaks openly about self-harm, about ideation, about a mind misunderstood by the body it dwells in. Not to dramatise it. So that someone out there, maybe even you, feels seen instead of exposed.
Half of the royalties from this book go to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
drxk khaoz
from the collection
what’s it like? to know where your feelings come from?
how do you wake up in control of yourself?
what’s it like to not need a capsule or a tablet as a power button for your own mind?
how did you learn to love you for you?
what’s it like to be normal?
teach me.
One poem from the collection. The rest await you behind the cover.
about the author
The survivor
kha·oz /’kā𐄀äs/ noun disorder. imperfection. spontaneity. raw energy always. assimilation never. to thrive in unpredictable elements. to live in distorted patterns. to create vividness. emotionally resonating. authentic. expressions. i. am. drxk. khaoz. i write from the interior of our consciousness. where breathing thoughts have meaning. i only take us to the edge of comfort. my poetry lives in the places inside us. places between devotion and disappearance. it shows our minds their uncomfortable reflection when sitting in dark together. and the darkness here is not meant to be one of violence or destruction. but it can be if you choose to keep running. hiding from the things that consume you that you refuse to name. i write from a darkness that shows grace, speaks in the silent prayers behind our closed eyes. where grief and love hold intense danger. i give you a darkness that listens when you’re afraid of what lives inside yourself. a darkness that wraps the scars we hide from everyday life. if the world inside you has ever felt more suffocating than the world that sees you, if love has ever been something you never learned to hold…this is our space….this is your place. our. we. i am you and you are me. you don’t carry this alone. i do not perform pain. i do not write suffering for display. i translate a language we’ve lived in and the hidden conflict between ourselves and our minds. here, you will always be welcome.
the ebook
The launch
Roses in a Black Heart is finished and being prepared for pre-order. When it lands, half of the royalties will go to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Ebook launch 30 November 2026
Print editionTo be announced
Amazon KindleComing soon
KoboComing soon
Apple BooksComing soon
Barnes & NobleComing soon
Direct links will replace these soon.
for you
A safe space
There is a room in this book for what you are carrying. Leave it here, or say it to me directly. Either way it stays between us. No account, no tracking, and no reply unless you ask for one.
Choose a deposit or a letter to begin.
support
You are not alone
Reaching out does not make you weak or an attention seeker.
If you are in immediate danger, or you think you might act on it, call your local emergency number now, 911 in the US.
When you can type but you cannot speak
Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741A trained human being, by text, at any hour of the night.
If you are young and LGBTQ+
The Trevor Project
Call 1-866-488-7386Counselling and crisis support for LGBTQ+ young people, 24/7 and confidential.
If you are somewhere else in the world
Find a Helpline
findahelpline.comFree crisis lines in more than 130 countries, searchable by what you are going through.
If you love someone that is struggling
- Welcome the conversation judgement free and ask directly “Are you thinking about suicide?” It can help them be honest with you.
- Their thoughts are about them not you and family. Suicide is not selfish. Refrain from making it about you and the family’s feelings. This can invalidate their thoughts.
- Take their thoughts seriously. Refrain from minimizing them or telling them they have no reason to end their life. This can make them feel emotionally unsafe and destabilize them further.
- Be present. Don’t listen to respond. They aren’t looking for solutions. Most people that are suicidal don’t want to die. They want to escape a pain so bad that they feel it’s their only option.
- Continue to educate yourself and stay informed on how to be a safe support system and help them in crisis.
This site is not a crisis service and cannot answer in an emergency.